i made it out of the landfill

so now what? i stand atop the mountain i climed through, only to

stand here and feel my feet

sinking 

again. 

i no longer hear 

me

anymore.

i am drawing.  i am me and

i am a feeling more than i was

inside an hour ago. 

in Africa we met and

the space between us

did exist and perish with

an open heart and closer

children. 

my skin started peeling

and my nerves started healing 

mermaids started drying out

and my iced knuckles

turned into buckled

fire.

if i swim,I'll drown.

can you help me 

again ? every time you come

i am lesser than before. 

leaves off her sketch

a warm bath heals everything. 

even the things that broke

again 

and again. 

when i wore a purple 

so shiny 

you couldn't have missed me.

though, the grey concrete under

your wobbly broken hearted feet

should have stopped you.

from seeing her, instead of a

little birthday girl.

the stage broke that day

and real life shaped my 

war ridden tongue. 

a warm bath heals everything 

but not the broken stage

my skin fell apart on.

i forgive her, for not knowing 

how to help.

a warm bath heals everything.

it healed my wounds

into words

into your shadows

that will never darken me

again. 

I want you to make a movie out of this book

I want you to make a movie out of this thread you can see how racist you are against fragile normal.

I want you to see paragraphs in the mundane and I want you to see lights in the grey cement.

In those places I belittle the letters I want you to capitalize all the feelings of pain. This whole style is different for me but I copied it from myself.

For the 1st time this might be the last time. In a rapid glare I find solitude in your separated rainbow. From a slow flake to a snowflake tattooed against your will.. Against the floor against the wall against the dark Burgundy steam room.

I want you to make a movie out of this book. I want to Diet Coke laughter crumpled up ranch Doritos to go viral. I want signings and fame and fortune and I want to give it all back to you.

at least that happened in my head..  

places

going to them

without leaving this 

orange probability.

i am tied up with a velvet

bow, awkwardly tied

apart.

you thought i survived

because we prayed

but i am here

because i decided to

leave that world

with you.

i am starving astronomy 

waiting for the stars to glide

along the crash

testing

differences.